works by william pham, 2005-present

index | poetry | fiction

A Scarecrow a Child a Man

I will not die
I will not die
I will not die

My suffering is a table it is black and lacquered wood or
wood substitute purchased from a mail-order catalog and--
my suffering is insulated by styrofoam packing material and
bubble wrap and once I have popped all of the bubbles between
my fingers the novelty is lost, the novelty is gone:
there is only the suffering and a pictorial instruction set
and I cannot make sense of either;
it is all a table or lack thereof.

I will not die

There is a termite inside of my body and
I have compiled a list of names for it:
Alexander, Alper, Alzheimer.
Kennedy or Krabbe.

There is a thing inside of me and it has a name--
the name is an index,
the name is a dog-eared page in a medical reference,
the name is a website the name is a network,
a community.  It is tagged appropriately.
It is impossible.

I will not die though you betray me
I will not die though you betray me
I will not die though you betray me

Give me marrow, give me a new brain.
I have the receipt for mine and I would like an exchange.
It was defective upon arrival.
There are damaged components.
I demand restitution.
I demand my money back.
The customer is always right.

Please help me
Please help me
Please help me

You do not know my name because I do not know my name.
I cannot remember what an orange popsicle tastes like
and though their blood is in my blood I do not know
my parents except for the thing inside my brain that
like a seed was planted and cultivated by
the cruelty of heredity.

I am a child or I am an old man.  I cannot remember.
My suffering is a table.  Give me a new brain

--

Please help me

copyright (c) 2007 by william pham